Andrej's India Visit- Part II

INDIA

Over a month long trip to Europe and a few other memorable places had come to an end. As much as I cringed at the thought of the vacation coming to an end, it felt good to get back in touch with India, oddly. I realized I wasn't dreading the thought of returning to my home turf like I used to before. In fact, I had missed home and my family. Maybe because I was not going directly to New Delhi this time around; had that been the case, I suspect I would have been aggrieved to some extent. I was flying back to Manipur and that always gladdens me.  Besides, Andrej was coming home with me. This made me feel better because deep down I knew some things weren't going to be the same at home anymore. The memories of two of my pets I loved deeply and lost recently were going to haunt me. I knew staying busy for Andrej and with him would be of much help.

March 4: 
We flew out of Colombo late in the evening and arrived at Bangalore an hour later. The immigration and custom officials tried to cause nuisance for each of us but we managed to pass through them without any problem. Since the city center was far off from the airport, we decided to not venture out anywhere and head directly to the hotel. We also had a very early flight to Imphal the next morning so we thought it best to go to bed early. The hotel that we booked was supposed to be very close to the airport but the cab driver took a wrong turn and we ended up driving up and down the dusty streets of a deserted area for about half an hour. We finally checked into the hotel, had a poorly prepared north Indian dinner at the restaurant downstairs and crashed on the dirty looking linens of the hotel bed.

March 5: We woke up at about 4 AM to check out of the hotel; the hotel staff was still deep in slumber on the floor of the reception. We woke up one of the hotel boys and requested him to call a cab for us. Soon we were at the Bangalore airport readying ourselves to board the flight to Imphal. The lady at the ticket counter informed us that we would have to sit separately as there were no more vacant seats for two on the same row. We didn’t mind as we were still beside each other except for the aisle in between us. It took us about two and half hours to get to Calcutta where we had to switch flights for Imphal. The layover was for a few hours and I was starting to get really hungry. Andrej told me to hang on and wait till we got home as we had run out of cash by this time. After another hour, my hunger pangs had hit a point where I couldn’t take it anymore so Andrej had to reluctantly oblige and we went to a cafeteria to buy some food with his credit card. I found some loose change in and around the various sections of my purse but it was not enough to buy food for two. The café people tried to swipe Andrej’s cards a few times but it was declined every time. We figured there must have been a service error from their end. So I went ahead and used up the small change I had and bought a ‘samosa.’ The samosa they sold was bigger than its usual size so we were both able to share it. We ran into a couple of women from my community who saw my face and became alarmed at how “dark” I had become. I had to explain how badly sunburnt we were from the Maldivian sun. We were soon on the plane and arrived safely in Imphal. After filling out the necessary forms and showing relevant documents at the customs check, we got our luggage and headed out of the airport. Philip and Parmawi had come to receive us, all beaming with smiles. It was good to see the newly married couple again. When we got home, I held my breath because I knew I wouldn’t see Merlin anymore. When I saw the couch that he used to always lie down on, I wanted to break down. But I tried my best to ignore the emptiness and showed Andrej his room. Sam, our dog followed us around and seemed excited to see Andrej and grew fond of him. We had lunch and were wondering what to do. We were tired as we didn’t get much sleep the night before but we didn’t want to lose time on a nap so we were up for something.  My parents were at the village but my mom was around Imphal and came by to greet Andrej, with a hug. She seemed delighted to see him again.

Andrej being a local with the family

I have to say I was amazed at how calm and chilled out my family was with welcoming Andrej into our home. Inviting a man into your home, especially if you’re a woman and making him spend a few nights there is something you don’t expect to pull off in a tradition and custom-bound, normative and strict indigenous society. But I did, knowing very well I had to bear the consequences, if any, from attempting to display such a forward and unconventional act. I had raised eyebrows and caused enough “scandal” already from inviting him to my brother’s wedding three months ago. And not only that, I had made him sit next to me and my parents for all the guests to see, guests numbering over two thousand men, women and children. This could seem like a less public thing to do but it could be perceived as an even more scandalous act now that I’m making him stay in my home. Inviting him to the wedding was the most “scandalous” and radical thing I had ever done in public in my hometown; in retrospect, I don’t think I knew exactly what I was doing. All I knew was that Andrej had promised he would come to Manipur if I visited him in Europe and all I saw was a man fulfilling that one promise of his to me. So far, things seemed to be looking up and the people whose opinion mattered to me the most were happy to have Andrej in Imphal again. I had nothing to complain about. Since Andrej was staying only 5 days, we wanted to spend as much time as possible with my parents, after all that was the basic reason why he made a trip to Imphal for the second time. Back in December, our home was in a chaotic state of affairs with guests and visitors. Andrej and I didn’t really have the opportunity to spend time with my family on a more personal level and my parents didn’t get to know him much or spend time with him because of my brother’s wedding preparations and also because Andrej was put up in a hotel. Andrej seemed glad to be back and I appreciated the fact that he was looking forward to meeting my parents again and also agreed to experience the “tribal” way of life one more time.

We didn’t have any plans laid out for Imphal so our schedule was pretty flexible. We went to Bethsaida in the evening with my brother and his wife. When we reached the village, I could see from the distance a new grave with a stone marker right next to Bagheera’s. I immediately knew it had to be Merlin’s. I cannot explain in words the hurt I felt at that moment, my heart sank and my mind went into a blank. I tried my level best to pull myself together and not let this relatively happy moment be ruined by moments of tears and sadness. Andrej was visiting my village again, I had to act happy, I had to look happy, and I had to be happy. But it was such a difficult a thing to do. I gathered all my courage, picked some flowers from the garden and went to see the place they had buried Merlin in, during my absence from home. I was going to go alone but Andrej decided to be with me. And good thing he stood by my side or else I would have been a broken person. I tried to hide the tears from Andrej but I choked and I burst into sobs in between speech. Poor fellow must have felt helpless to do anything but he tried to console me and told me to be tough. This was something that had haunted me and left me heartbroken the past two months. I don’t usually like to share my sorrow and pain with people but in that moment, I didn’t mind Andrej witnessing me in my most vulnerable and broken form-- this was something very close to my heart, pets that I loved like my own children and had sustained me all these years. I wanted him to know it all even if he wouldn’t be able to completely understand what they truly meant to me. In the night, we had a quiet dinner at home. Andrej did not hesitate from trying out whatever local dish was served to him.

By this time, the dead skin on Andrej’s face had peeled off and he looked much better except for some redness which didn’t seem anomalous. But his whole body, especially his neck, shoulders and chest were peeling off in large chunks of skin. This freaked me out in the beginning but I soon discovered the joy of passing time by engaging in passionate moments of removing whatever layers of dead skin I could find on his body. He was irritated at my constant attempts to “play” with his peeled-off skin but he let me have my fun eventually. He was staying in my brother’s old “bachelor room,” and the floor was now filled with the skin we had removed from his body so far. I had a feeling the young maids would wonder what on earth they were when they sweep the floor the next time. Andrej would be up and about every morning and would come up to my room to wake me up. There were times I didn’t even realize he was a guest visiting, he looked at home in his room and at my home as if he belonged here.

March 6: 
The next morning, Henry, my cousin, drove us to the Khuman Lampak Sports Complex, the only decent stadium in Imphal. I had made an entry pass for Andrej on his last visit but he could not peruse the little facilities the stadium offered because of we were too caught up with my brother’s wedding. We were told that athletes trained very early in the mornings from 6-8 AM. This was going to be a bit of an issue since Andrej isn’t really a morning person. We were at the stadium by 8 that morning. Many coaches and athletes were already done with their training or had left the complex already. We did find a few people in the main stadium, hurdlers mostly. We talked to their coach for a while and asked him about the kids that were training under him. We found that a couple of them were national-level champions, under -14 and under- 17 categories. Andrej seemed impressed by what he saw as one of them at least seemed like a really good runner. The track was undergoing massive renovation so even if Andrej wanted to train a bit, or at least run since they had no pole vault pits, he wouldn’t have been able to because of the renovation. The coach asked us to check out the other side of the stadium which had weight lifting rooms and places where he could run and warm up. So we went to see the weight lifting room first. There were no coaches there except a few kids sitting around the campus. We tried to ask them their training times and schedule but to no avail. Even though I tried to speak to them in Manipuri as well as English, they appeared to not understand whatever queries I directed to them. Andrej took a look at the dilapidated building and the weights that looked old and worn out. He said they were functional and could still be used. Part of the floors had been covered by the old track material in what appeared to be an ingenious way of utilizing whatever they could find to simplify and meet their training needs. We also checked out the swimming pool, the diving arena, everything looked old and far from hygienic but the coach informed us that we had come during the off-season and that the facilities would be upgraded and cleaned up once the swimming season opens again for the summer. Then, we headed to the shooting range which looked the newest out of everything we had seen so far. People were kind and asked us warmly to go in and see the shooting arena. We stood outside of a transparent glass and looked at the few guys practicing shooting. We also noticed that a lot of Manipuri athletes compete at international events and travel far and wide for competitions. Last but not least, we went to the indoor stadium to see what it had to offer. We saw young boys in their gymnastics uniform practicing with their coaches. Andrej and I went to talk with a coach and asked him about the students and the level of training/competitions. We concluded that most of the athletes that could compete at national and international levels had been hired by big national companies outside of India or employed with the military. The remaining ones here were only training to follow their seniors’ suit and find employment out of state eventually. This was the first time I had visited the complex. And for a state that is by and large impoverished and so cut out from mainland India, I was impressed with the facilities they had even though they looked ill maintained. The place only needed a serious uplift and upgrading of the already existing training equipment as Manipuris are already very talented in, keen and serious about sports. Andrej was surprised by what he saw and was excited to learn that such a small and neglected state of India could have everything.

In the afternoon, we went to Bethsaida one more time. This time, my Dad was around and met Andrej for the first time after our arrival in Imphal. We walked around our gardens, checked on the slow lorises that Andrej has grown very fond of and then went to feed the fowls by the vegetable garden. While feeding some carrot leaves to the chickens, we could hear kids from the village school learning Math. The kids would repeat table of 4 after their school teacher…”one four “ja” (is) four, two for “ja” eight...ten four “ja” fourty.” Andrej was fascinated and highly amused by what we heard and wanted to see these children up close. I realized he wasn’t aware that there was a government run village school near our rest house. We had lunch first and then walked towards the school. We tried to hide behind a window so as to not startle the little children. After all, here was a foreign guy on campus, out of the blue, looking like a giant and I wasn’t going to be surprised if he unsettled the little children because it’s not everyday that humble village folks get to have and see a visitor from a foreign land. The teacher looked strict and stern as she tried desperately to make the children sit still. We were looking at kindergarten level kids attending the first grades of school and experiencing school life for the first time in their lives. Some paid attention and repeated after their teacher, while others were sleeping on their desks much to our amusement. After Math lessons, they began to study and learn by heart the first chapter of the Book of Genesis from the Bible. “In the beginning…...God made heaven and earth...” resounded in the classroom. Andrej was very impressed that such little indigenous kids would be learning the Bible at such an early age and that too in a foreign language, English. We looked around the tiny make-shift school shelters, and saw that the village school has grades I-VI. The students were obviously surprised to see the both of us, especially Andrej. Some kids looked out of their classes and stared at us with gaping mouths. We didn’t want to take long and turned back around before we could distract them more. We stopped by at the only village shop available in Bethsaida. The lady was very happy to see me and Andrej and became even more happy when I told her Andrej knew a few words of Thadou. She asked me to teach him more and teach him well. We picked up some sweets, “mithai” as it is locally called. They were for a rupee each, the lowest denomination in the Indian currency. Andrej ate them them all within minutes.

We did not stay much longer in Bethsaida that afternoon and headed back to Imphal. We saw an advertisement on a Book Fair scheduled to start the day after our arrival. The book fair was held at ‘Nupi Lal Memorial,’a building dedicated to all the Manipuri women that rebelled against the oppressive British colonial government in 1939. It was located nearby so we decided to walk. As we walked towards Nupi Lal Memorial, we passed by some young Manipuri school girls in their traditional school uniform…they seemed curious and excited to see Andrej and we could see they were checking him out and giggling amongst themselves. The book fair was not like we expected and didn’t have many books on display. Most of the publications sold were competitive exam related texts and magazines or school subject based materials ranging from humanities to science. Whatever popular fiction they had were limited and not that impressive. We spent about 15 minutes checking out the stuffs. I picked up a few texts which I deemed worthy for my exam prep.  We got home and I began to cook some dinner while Andrej worked on his laptop in his room. Later in the evening, our friend John Monsang paid us a visit with two other people, Nelson and Jubilee but Jubilee left after a few minutes as she had some work to do. They got eight bottles of beer and fried river shrimps to complement the drinks. We sat in the main living room and had a good time talking and talking some more. It was getting late and Andrej and I had initially planned on eating dinner with my parents but we were starting to have such a good time with John and Nelson that we thought we’d eat dinner later. My mom was understanding and said they would go ahead without us and we should enjoy our time with John.  Since the beers we had were super strong Indian brews, we were assuming it would be more than sufficient for the four of us. But as the night rolled we realized we wanted to drink some more. Nelson who happens to know a lot of people and also the city of Imphal knew where exactly to get booze even though sale of liquor of alcohol is illegal in Manipur. So the four of us drove to some a dark corner near the Imphal polo ground, an underground “bar” and got us a few more bottles. Later, I gave a miniature bottle of Jagermeister I had bought from Slovenia to John and Nelson, by that time they were so wasted that I highly doubt if they were even aware of what they were drinking. I have an utter dislike for strong beers, let alone super strong ones so I was surprised I didn’t pass out or something that evening, Andrej looked alright too. The guys left my place after midnight. Andrej and I didn’t eat dinner proper but snacked on something and went to bed soon after.

March 7: 

John cooking us a venison meal
by the river

Since my dad’s football match that we wanted to go see got cancelled, Andrej and I decided to take up on John’s offer to drive us to his village. He enticed us with fishing and swimming activities in the river and cooking us some good tribal cuisine. He also told us that no “white” person has ever been to his native village which was situated about an hour and half away from Imphal…it all sounded like a fun plan. John came to pick us up at about 11 am. The main road or the Indo-Myanmar national highway as it’s called was in better condition than I expected. Andrej could never get over the fact that such small roads could be termed “highways.” We stopped by at a local eatery to try out some Meitei food before heading on to John’s house. From here onwards, the road was awfully bad and dusty. It got me so frustrated to realize yet again that the elected members to the legislative assemblies and politicians don’t do their jobs like they should and the village people too have become too complacent with the general state of affairs by not filing any complaints against these irresponsible authorities. John’s village was a quaint and quiet one with about 20 households. His house towered over all the other settlements. His mom came to greet us and welcomed us into their beautiful home. We also met his very aged paternal grandma who was laying out in the sun in the verandah with a little kitty by her side. Tea was served to us as John packed all the needed utensils and spices for our picnic. We stopped by the small village shop to get some pan. John also introduced Andrej to a few more people in and around his village, everybody seemed happy to meet a foreign person visiting their small village for the first time. We also picked up venison to prepare for our lunch from the village shop as we could not find pork.

Andrej shows off his flip

The village roads were bumpy, dusty and narrow but we managed to drive to the riverside safely. We parked the car on the pebbled banks and picked our cooking spot. The weather was sunny and the air crisp. There were a couple of other people cleaning their vehicles in the stream. The water was shallow and very clear with plenty of tiny fishes swimming around. Andrej and John were already getting excited to dive into the river and wanted to go towards the deep end. I asked them to hang on for some more time and prepare the food first. While the meat was being cooked and being looked after by John’s cousin, the three of us went towards the bridge from which Andrej was going to show us his diving skills. I was apprehensive at first not being sure if the river was deep enough for such a stunt and neither was Andrej. John first took the plunge and came out unscathed. There were two other guys on the bridge chatting up Andrej and directing him what to do, little knowing that Andrej is quite the pro at doing flips and what not. I could tell Andrej was a bit nervous because he wasn’t sure if the river was deep enough and would be able to take his weight. After pausing for some moment, he took his first plunge. I was holding my breath when he jumped in even though I tried to hold my phone still and take a video of his flip. John being the professional photographer was intently capturing every second of Andrej’s dive into the river. John later uploaded all the pictures on his blog, they looked awesome! It was such a relieve to see Andrej emerge out of water unhurt and talking non-stop about how he could have done better and better he did in his next two attempts. I was thinking in my head that if something happened to him, his Mom would never forgive me. Andrej was wondering if he should try again for the fourth time but since it was getting late and the water was pretty cold, I discouraged him from getting himself soaked again. By this time, John and his cousins were done cooking the venison. We all sat down on a towel by the river bed and enjoyed a hearty meal. 

Our Slovenian friend especially loved the food ended up taking three or four helpings. Evening hours were fast approaching so we packed up our stuffs and made our way back to the village. Andrej wanted to test drive on the dirt roads of the countryside so John let him. I was pretty nervous as the roads were so narrow and we drive on the opposite side as compared to Slovenia. But Andrej did a fab job and didn’t run over any stray cattle. We dropped off the remaining food with John’s mom, said our goodbyes, and headed back to Imphal. We also made at a short stop at the local bazaar to pick up some local delicacies such as fermented soya beans for home. It was already dark as John’s cousin drove through the dimly lit roads of the Manipur-Myanmar highway. Andrej and I hung out with my family that evening and watched tv before going to bed.

Eating local delicacies, per usual

Hanging out at home with
friends, beer and fried shrimps

March 8: Our plan for the day was to go and watch my father play the semi-finals football match with his veteran teammate from the Kuki Sporting Club at a village about an hour away from Imphal. Andrej came to wake me up early in the morning and wanted to do something before we headed to the football match. I thought I’d take him to the markets to see if there was anything he would like to buy. We already visited the famous Ima Market of Imphal, a market place run only by the women folk of Manipur during his previous visit in December. Andrej bought some exotic foods and also books in the local script for his Grandpa back then. We got on a cycle ‘rickshaw’ and headed to Paona Bazaar, a market well known for selling south-east Asian goods. The rickshaw driver seemed to have had a rough night and looked hungover. The market was just walking distance from my place next to the Manipur Governor’s House but I cajoled Andrej into taking the rickshaw ride instead of walking. It was about 9:30 AM so most of the shops were still shut. We went from shop to shop looking for a bag in which Andrej could carry a small “tribal” chair (“morah”) that is commonly used in homes here back to Slovenia. We felt his mom would like to have one at their home an order for a medium sized chair was placed at our neighbor who makes them. Andrej did not fancy anything else but I insisted that he gets some new shorts and T-shirts since they were imported from Thailand and sold at pretty cheap rates. He tried on a couple of male shorts at a store nearby; I was surprised that they would have something in his size considering there’s not a lot of guys that stand 6 feet tall in my city. We walked from Paona Bazaar towards another shopping complex. We crossed our old timer Ima bazaar on the way. Normally, I would never walk on foot around Imphal but since I was with Andrej, I thought it would be a fun to step out of my comfort zone. At Gambhir shopping complex, there were quite a few things to see but we purchased only a t-shirt and shorts for Andrej. I usually am tempted to get him more stuff for him but since he is content with his old clothes and would rather put the money into our travels, I’m more than okay with that. From this place, it was ten minute walk till home. People on the streets would take a quick and curious glance at Andrej wherever we go but it was nothing like the devious and dirty stares people give to “outsiders” in Delhi or to anyone that does not have any racial resemblance to the majority.

Andrej chilling with Sammy

Sampling local Manipuri dish

At home, Andrej found that one of the shorts were too tight. But since we had to go for a soccer match, I told him we would go and exchange them in the evening for a bigger size. We first stopped by at a local “hotel” (an eating shack is commonly known by that term around here) to eat our lunch. We were almost at starving point by this time. There was fish and chicken and some other authentic Manipuri delicacies. The food was really good and we Andrej as usual ate with his bare hands like a true local and finished whatever was on his plate. We then made a quick stop to Bethsaida to pick up some stuff. From Bethsaida, the village in which the veteran’s cup was held was about 30 minutes away. The football field was quite massive in size for a village but looked dry and lacked grass. The match before KSC’s was still going on when we arrived and my dad and his teammates were warming up for theirs.  There was an extra team jersey and some guys suggested Andrej should wear it in display of solidarity with the team. The jersey fitted him nicely and he looked like a cute and young football player. After the other teams’ match ended, we moved towards the field and got a good seating spot for ourselves. It was a sunny day but very windy and it got colder and colder as the hours passed. We had a good time watching the 40 years and over players on the field. I was pleasantly surprised to notice Andrej being familiar with some rules of the game because he doesn’t usually watch football. A few of the veteran players used to be full-time players for the Kuki Sporting Club in their younger years, it was good to know they still possessed skills and a good knowledge of the game. Even the somewhat heavier looking men seemed agile and put in their best effort, everybody showcasing teamwork without having had any group practice before as such. The opponent team was captained by a respected rebel group leader who also organized the tournament and owned most of the village land, including the football field on which the match was held. KSC was doing a good job and was leading the match. We were growing excited to see my Dad enter the field. He was the oldest of his teammates and respected by all. Although he did not play for long, it was still a pleasure to see him on the field for about half an hour in the second half of the game. Soon the referee blew the end whistle and KSC won the match. They were now finalists of the tournament and would play the finals in the next day or so.

Snooze time in the car

It was already dark when we arrived home. I remember Andrej sleeping throughout the journey. This was his last evening in Imphal. We wanted to go on a “date,” just to two of us to Classic Hotel, the place where he had stayed on his last visit but never got the time to do so. John and Nelson came over to say goodbye to Andrej, they had some rice beer than my bother Josh got for Andrej and another bottle of leftover beer from two nights ago. After they left, the two of us had dinner with my family. I then started packing Andrej’s bags which mostly consisted of dirty laundry from our previous trips- Turkey, Maldives, Sri Lanka which he didn’t allow me to wash for him. He was comfortably lounging on the bed while I tried to sort out his stuff and pack them up neatly even if they were mostly worn stuff.  I asked him to come see how I was doing but like a typical husband he muttered, “I trust you so much that I don’t need to check.” We spent some alone time together and went to bed early as he had a morning flight to Delhi the next day.

March 9

Andrej had to be at the airport by 9:30 AM or so and it was already 8:30 when I got out of bed. He usually wakes up before me and creeps on me but he didn’t come up to my room this last morning so I suspected he must be asleep still. I rushed downstairs and went in to his room to find him still cozied up with the blankets. I hated that he had to leave Imphal and it was as if he didn’t want to leave either. My parents were already ready to go to work. My mom helped us out with last minute packing and told Andrej to visit again at Christmas if he can. I went to see him off at the airport with my brother and cousin. We waited for a few minutes outside and waited on Andrej to head towards the security check. After that, we drove back home. Although I missed him a lot and felt disoriented without having him around in my house anymore, in a way I was glad he was heading back home to his family, his life and his familiar surroundings. I knew as much as I wanted him all to myself, it wouldn’t be nice to harbor any selfish thoughts like that. I spent a month in Slovenia with Andrej’s family as if I were already a part of them, our vacations had been amazing and Andrej came to my hometown to spend time with me and my family again. How many people in long-distance relationships get to do that I asked myself. Definitely not many, I felt fortunate and special. Now the both of us were back to where we belonged and had to go about with our daily schedules and count the days till we could be together again.